13 Unluckiest Characters in Fiction

They say you make your own luck, but as any gambler knows…some people are just born with it, others are not. The characters in this list ought to avoid casinos like the plague, or risk splurging their pension funds in a four-hour cold streak. And then falling over. And then catching fire.

For ever Bond there’s a Bubba, so read on for the 13 unluckiest fictional characters ever created…

13) Blair Witch Students – The Blair Witch Project


“We’ll just keep wandering in circles for a few more hours, we’re bound to find the car eventually…”

12) Bubba – Forrest Gump


As a black character in 1994, Gump’s fallen compadre never stood a chance.

11) Alan Harper – Two and a Half Men


It was bad enough when Charlie Sheen was on the show; Alan looks like even more of a loser next to Aston Kutcher.

10) Ol’ Gil – The Simpsons


The Simpson’s Billy Lowman never seems to catch a break. Although he did get his own episode once! It wasn’t funny.

9) Simon – The Inbetweeners


Simon’s gallery of fails range from vomiting on his girlfriend’s little brother and exposing a stray nut during a school fashion show.

8) George Costanza – Seinfeld


He may be a fat, bald, self-loathing, sexually-incompetent loser but…um…nope, I got nothing.

7) Shannon – Drive


It was nice of Bryan Cranston to take a vacation from Breaking Bad to portray this habitual f*ck up.

6) Everyone who Makes Friends in The Walking Dead


Word of advice, don’t get intimately connected to any characters in this show. They’re all just basically walking burgers.

5) Doug – The Hangover


The main character that never was. While his best men were off getting into Las Vegas hijinks, Doug spent a day stranded on a hotel roof.

4) Tom – Tom and Jerry


If you’ve broken literally every bone in your body and spent half a century trying to catch the same mouse, it’s probably time to call it quits.

3) Baudelaire Orphans – Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events


The title says it all. You know you’re unlucky when your series starts with both your parents burning to death.

2) Moe Szyslack – The Simpsons


This pug-ugly bartender tries to top himself every Christmas, and he’s so unlucky that he can’t even manage that.

1) Kenny – South Park


You can’t really die 400 times and not top this list.

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13 Unluckiest Characters in Fiction by
Joey Roulette
author
Also known as Joseph Attard, I’m a roulette blogger with a difference. My childhood was…complicated. My father was a notorious...
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