They say you make your own luck, but as any gambler knows…some people are just born with it, others are not. The characters in this list ought to avoid casinos like the plague, or risk splurging their pension funds in a four-hour cold streak. And then falling over. And then catching fire.
For ever Bond there’s a Bubba, so read on for the 13 unluckiest fictional characters ever created…
13) Blair Witch Students – The Blair Witch Project
“We’ll just keep wandering in circles for a few more hours, we’re bound to find the car eventually…”
12) Bubba – Forrest Gump
As a black character in 1994, Gump’s fallen compadre never stood a chance.
11) Alan Harper – Two and a Half Men
It was bad enough when Charlie Sheen was on the show; Alan looks like even more of a loser next to Aston Kutcher.
10) Ol’ Gil – The Simpsons
The Simpson’s Billy Lowman never seems to catch a break. Although he did get his own episode once! It wasn’t funny.
9) Simon – The Inbetweeners
Simon’s gallery of fails range from vomiting on his girlfriend’s little brother and exposing a stray nut during a school fashion show.
8) George Costanza – Seinfeld
He may be a fat, bald, self-loathing, sexually-incompetent loser but…um…nope, I got nothing.
7) Shannon – Drive
It was nice of Bryan Cranston to take a vacation from Breaking Bad to portray this habitual f*ck up.
6) Everyone who Makes Friends in The Walking Dead
Word of advice, don’t get intimately connected to any characters in this show. They’re all just basically walking burgers.
5) Doug – The Hangover
The main character that never was. While his best men were off getting into Las Vegas hijinks, Doug spent a day stranded on a hotel roof.
4) Tom – Tom and Jerry
If you’ve broken literally every bone in your body and spent half a century trying to catch the same mouse, it’s probably time to call it quits.
3) Baudelaire Orphans – Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events
The title says it all. You know you’re unlucky when your series starts with both your parents burning to death.
2) Moe Szyslack – The Simpsons
This pug-ugly bartender tries to top himself every Christmas, and he’s so unlucky that he can’t even manage that.
1) Kenny – South Park
You can’t really die 400 times and not top this list.